By Dennis Lee
The Christmas season starts as a disaster, ends as a disaster, and in-between, it’s… a disaster.
Black Friday is the stupidest event ever (if you’ve ever felt the need to tackle a rabid mother for a discounted talking stuffed animal, please go away), Christmas music gives me instantaneous diarrhea, and on a related topic, at this point of the year, I’m not sure how much more green-bean casserole I can stomach.
Since I write for a living, traveling to some tropical hideout for the winter is out of my financial reach. Oh, and by the way, if you have any actual dreams, don’t be a writer. Your future self will thank your present self.
Like any self-respecting adult, the best way to deal with Christmas (or anything) is to drink alone, because you spend the majority of the year avoiding your relatives and others anyway. As most writers will understand, most of my life—such as it is—is spent inside my own head, because that’s where I’m most comfortable.
I hear what you’re thinking, and yes, I realize that a solo booze session isn’t likely to be in the Top 5 Healthiest Habits on BuzzFeed. I further realize that such behavior may, believe it or not, be a symptom of alcoholism. During Christmas, however, everyone gets a pass, and I plan to get that pass stamped regularly.
So here’s my recommendation: Find a tavern that’s open on Christmas Eve (not as hard as you might think: others may have the same idea as me). When you get there, grab a stool on the corner of the bar. Put away your cell phone. (You don’t want some pain-in-the-ass friend/relation/Good Samaritan locating you and staging a useless intervention.) Order a drink. I prefer any kind of straight bourbon on the rocks. The rocks are there only to make your drink last for a few sips longer before you order your second one. Because you will. Read the rest of this entry »